just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
