I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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