i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
