She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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