6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
