Moan for me like Helen Keller
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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