I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
