Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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