Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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