I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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