Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my sisters under your porch take her home
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
