i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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