i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm always down for nudity.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
