Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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