All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
