I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
