I wish my penis had an off switch
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just pynch a tree in the face
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
