Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
