i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
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he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your penis caused this!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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