i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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