put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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