Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
