My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
