I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
