the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
