Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
