Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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