Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
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You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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