Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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