I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
