new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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