I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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