just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
