I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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