she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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