I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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