I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
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