We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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