Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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