Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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