Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
