y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So many bounce houses so little time
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
