Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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