apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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