i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize