I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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