Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
50% drunk capacity currently
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
