Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
