His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
