Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
