if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The best revenge is premature balding
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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