We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
