U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
