I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
