just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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