She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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