ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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