Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize